You Don’t Deserve an Explanation


When I was younger, I desperately wanted to be a redhead. Ariel, Scully, Mara Jade, Ginger Spice—All my favorites were redheads. I thought red hair was so pretty, and accurate or not, I deeply associated red hair with all their other traits I admired: intelligence, wit, beauty, talent, etc. I wanted red hair because I wanted to be like my idols. 

So when I was 15, my mom gave me permission to get red highlights in my hair, and my nana offered to take me to the place she went to get her hair done. We stopped by the grocery store first, and my grandmother in making small talk mentioned that to the bagger. He sized me up, laughed, and said, “Yeah, going to get your hair done so all the boys notice you, huh?”

There are a lot of reasons his comment was inappropriate, but the thing that got under my skin at the time, and what still irritates me now, was that he presumed to have any idea what was going on in my head. All he saw was a girl in high school, and he immediately jumped to his own conclusion.

I didn’t give two shits if boys noticed me. I wanted to change my hair because I wanted to physically identify with my role models. I wanted to change my hair because it felt like I got to make a mature decision I wanted to change my hair for me. Because I thought red hair was pretty, not because some high-school turds (who already gave me plenty of unwanted attention for having boobs) might think it was cute.

I tried telling him no, that was wrong, but he persisted. “Oh, come on. Yes, it is. You can’t lie to me.” 

And their rebuttal, when I get angry at their wrong assumptions, is always the same logical fallacy: “If I’m wrong, why are you so angry? You’re only mad because you know I’m right.”

I don’t handle strangers acting like they know me or my thoughts or motivations very well. It pisses me off. It pisses me off so much that I remember this encounter from almost 13 years ago. 

It slights my ego twice: once, because you’re assuming that, without even knowing me, that you are somehow more in-tune with my motivations than I am, and twice, because when I tell you you’re wrong about a subject (me) you know nothing about, you do it again. 

I’ve gotten better with coping with it over the years, reminding myself that I don’t owe anyone an explanation and that even if I tried to provide one, they probably won’t listen. But the anger when someone makes assumptions, often negative or inciting, about me personally is still very much there.

The assumptions I see people making about Cullen fans elicits this same response. 

I know I don’t owe anyone a fucking explanation for why I like him or any other character. I know that even when I do try to express my reasons, they’re going to be dismissed.

Of course I’m only drawn to him because because he’s an attractive male. Never mind my sexual identity. Or that I actually disliked him for a long time in spite of his looks. Or that I find other characters equally as attractive but less interesting or more uncomfortable. I identify as a woman, and he’s a man: clearly there can’t be any other reason for me being drawn to him. 

Except there is. 

But when I actually try to talk about the elements of his character that I think are interesting? When I talk about his character arc, how he’s dealt with his trauma, how he views female authority, his military background, his religious influences, his relationships, his prejudices? I get shutdown by those demanding I explain why I like him because I’m a “fangirl.” Nothing invalidates an argument about a character quite like that “You’re just a fangirl” accusation. 

You want us to fucking defend our position, but you automatically dismiss what we have to say because you think you have us all figured out. So many Cullen fans have answered time and time and time and time again why they like Cullen. I feel like 30% of our tag is “What’s the big deal with Cullen anyway?” And so many people happily answer! The answers are out there if you’re really that curious and you honestly want to learn. 

But the thing is, if you aren’t asking these questions with respect and a desire to listen, I’m not obligated to answer them at all.

And frankly, if I do, I’m certainly not obligated to answer them with respect and a desire to educate. 

This is why I stay in the Cullen thread.

dragon age inquisition dai cullen

Anonymous asked:

Not gonna lie, I imagine Cullen trying to be smooth after inviting the Inquisitor up in his room by sliding down the ladder but ends up hurting himself while the she watches

Methinks Answer:


Yessssssss, oh my god. *flops around*

Poor guy.

i whispered “no” then giggled like mad because holy shit that would be adorable as fuck.

dragon age inquisition dai cullen

I lost a follower immediately after posting that personal rant.


This is first and foremost my blog. I post what I fancy, including personal issues/rants which are far and few in between anyway. This is my space I choose to share, and sometimes I do have to write down my frustrations; but I know some people don’t want to read them, so they are tagged as “personal”. Don’t want to read that shit, blacklist it or just scroll past.

Have a lovely day, and hug a nug. <3


There’s thousands of notes on posts about how unfair it is that there isn’t a wonder woman movie and now that its been officially announced nobody is talking about it?

Like Can I get at least a hell yeah?


(via thedragonthateatsitstail)